I've felt this way before . Most of the time I'm fine...most of the time I enjoy myself. But every once in a while this profound loneliness comes over me.
Today I can understand some of it. My friends are away and I'm somewhat isolated so I think lonliness takes on a greater role than it should in my life. I'm a great believer in taking action...if things aren't good, then doing something to make it better.
But right now I can't. I'm limited because of some residual effects of nerve pain...can't work at a decent job that pays enough to support what I need to do. This particularly hurts because I was recently kicked out from my job coz economic downturn and totally in cash trap as if world bank jus' belongs to me. Soon i got an an offer from MNC...it's a real offer... It would take a lot of financial pressure off me and unfortunately i'm not that lucky to grab the job I had to turn them down because my inside docs said no.... and I know they're right. I've tried forcing things before and I always get much sicker. I've learned I need to accept where I am but it sucks. Sorry but sometimes it just does. I'll get over this...I always do but right now that's how I feel.
And the loneliness is not just missing my friends and having pain...it's more.
An existential angst...a longing for love...probably both. I used to live in a big world...my world has become smaller and I have struggled to do more than stay afloat. I have struggled to change...to adapt...dare even to thrive. Sometimes I can be a star. Sometimes, like now, I fail.
I am overwhelmed with longing and I'm not completely sure what would fill that void.I want to touch the stars...I want to ride the ocean's waves...I want to be a wild horse running along the ocean's shore. I want someone to see me and love me for what they see. And I want to do the same for them. Dosh!!!So Terribly lonely I could just sit here and cry...
I'm not even sure why I'm writing this or if I will have the courage to post.
