The problem with losing friends is that sometimes you miss them. A lot.
I've always, always said that if I lost a friend then it was probably the way it was meant to be. Maybe I don't exactly like the reason but I need to step back and let things happen the way that they're supposed to. Maybe one day they'll come back. If they're meant to.
It doesn't make the absence they've left any easier to deal with, though. There are some people that aren't in my life anymore that I know are not there for a VERY GOOD REASON. Those people I don't miss so much as I sometimes wonder - what are they are to? Have they changed? Are they less like they used to be? There are some people, though, that I miss every single day. The holes in my heart that they left will never, ever close up. And that's pretty awful.
I'm not sure what to say. Should I explain that as I write this I have tears in my eyes. Should I say that I have a hard time looking at pictures with them in them because it hurts me to remember those good times? Should I call and tell them that I thought of them today, that something happened and all I could think was, "Gosh I wish I could call..."
I don't like being called a liar. I don't like being told I'm a bad friend. I don't like apologizing only to have that apology taken and thrown right back at me. I'm a human being. Yeah, I've made mistakes in my life. And some of those mistakes, I'm sad to say, I regret. But it's sad when you've had someone around for SO LONG and maybe you take them for granted. And then one day they aren't there. And things aren't the same as they used to be.
I don't know where I'm going with this. For the most part I'm happy. And then I think about the day I said, "One day, we'll be old and in wheelchairs and we'll be acting just as lame and goofy as we always did." And it really just makes me want to cry.
Ugh.
I've always, always said that if I lost a friend then it was probably the way it was meant to be. Maybe I don't exactly like the reason but I need to step back and let things happen the way that they're supposed to. Maybe one day they'll come back. If they're meant to.
It doesn't make the absence they've left any easier to deal with, though. There are some people that aren't in my life anymore that I know are not there for a VERY GOOD REASON. Those people I don't miss so much as I sometimes wonder - what are they are to? Have they changed? Are they less like they used to be? There are some people, though, that I miss every single day. The holes in my heart that they left will never, ever close up. And that's pretty awful.
I'm not sure what to say. Should I explain that as I write this I have tears in my eyes. Should I say that I have a hard time looking at pictures with them in them because it hurts me to remember those good times? Should I call and tell them that I thought of them today, that something happened and all I could think was, "Gosh I wish I could call..."
I don't like being called a liar. I don't like being told I'm a bad friend. I don't like apologizing only to have that apology taken and thrown right back at me. I'm a human being. Yeah, I've made mistakes in my life. And some of those mistakes, I'm sad to say, I regret. But it's sad when you've had someone around for SO LONG and maybe you take them for granted. And then one day they aren't there. And things aren't the same as they used to be.
I don't know where I'm going with this. For the most part I'm happy. And then I think about the day I said, "One day, we'll be old and in wheelchairs and we'll be acting just as lame and goofy as we always did." And it really just makes me want to cry.
Ugh.
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