Dealing With Frustrations

Dealing With Frustrations..... I handled some boring discussion today and I am pretty frustrated with my self because I cannot find a way to make everything flow smoothly. I cannot distinguish if the people are listening or just giving me a blank confused stare. I tried to make a connection but nothing just works.Today I had a taste of those frustrations idiots like me usually have. It is hard but I know I can use these experiences in the future.

Totally Wasted

Totally Wasted!!!!!!! Can do nothing, I don't fit, I can't think, I can't move freely, I am confused, I am drained, I am so wasted. I don't know what is wrong with me since this week started. Everything is just turning into nothing.

Just friends!!!!!!!Relax

Just friends!!!!!!!Relax

I'm so torn. I feel that I've truly lost a friendship that was near and dear to me for the last seven years. Most of my friends have come and gone, used and abused our friendship, however my friend Bubbly has always been there for me. And I've been there for her as well. We've gone through a lot together. But always as friends. Nothing more. We went to jaipur, hung out, and played together that bottle game. I was there for her when she was not with me, when her best friend left him for years ago, and now when she became a top notch architect.

I want to be so happy for her, if only she seemed happy. She's been wanting this since we were freshmen in college, talking about the big day she was going for the awards ceremony for NIASA thats what we both dreamt off. When I asked her if she's nervous or excited, his response is "I'm just ready." Not the response I would expect or hope from her.

Her best friend and i had a fight since then i didnt met him. He feels threatened by me because someone that was once a friend of his, that know me either, said to watch his back. I'm in a happy, healthy, long-term relationship with this woman that I'm with and that I love. She refuses to meet me, but hello, if you met me you would know that it's not like that, I'm actually a really good, friendly person and I just want my friend to be happy.

Consider me one of the gals. She's no longer allowed to hang out with me and our conversations have become a rarity. I miss my friend.

I miss them. I miss them bad...

I miss them. I miss them bad........

I have had some really wonderful people for friends in the short span of my life. With each passing day I have grown fonder of them. They have been a great influence in my life and I can't deny that. Over last few months though, I seemed to have run out of these creatures called friends.

All are chasing their dreams and the chase has lead them to distant places. Distant quite literally and also otherwise. I know priorities in life change with time. I understand that. But then I miss them. I miss them bad.

All of a sudden I have to no one ring and invite home for a folks-outta-town-so-lets-party night. Of course, that's not the only thing I miss. I am uncomfortable with the idea of thinking of a 'right' time to call them, lest you disturb their spouses! Whatever happened to call a friend to chat about an ugly lizard on the wall? Or the plain, lets eat out at Purani Dilli, Haramiya Ka Dhabba or some such Dhabaz at Zakir nagar or else we head towards Communinity Centre,Friends colony because we have nothing to do this evening. Life was fun then, in its own way and we all knew it. We wanted to make the most of it. And we did I think. I should not be complaining now. But then I miss them. I miss them bad.

Ok am back to square one. I shall stop.

FAG ...are they really that bad

I have never been able to really make out why people try out cigrettes for the first time itself (i don't count the first sip as trying...according to me it takes atleast 2-3 buds to really qualify for having tried 'cigretting'...by the way this is new hip word instead of cheap sounding 'Smoking').....
believe me.....you can say that peer pressure was there..all friends tried...gave to crazy youthful exuberance ..or simply that it is so cheaply and readily available....but the fact still remains that none of these are really the reasons that would bring you again and again to those smoky stalls in never ending zeal for cigretting......
It is more in how you connect to your real self.....the puff when it goes inside..some sought of divine pleasure is felt......it is figuratively similar to a baby sucking milk from their mother's chest......you suck it hard and there then you feel the awkward little warm something going in and giving you life........maybe the chemical reactions inside the body are not the same with both the things i just compared...or rather unsuccessfully tried to compare (nothing compares to a mother or her love), but the whole idea behind it was noble.........
it is this above divine pleasure that makes people do it again and again.......u lite up a cigrette bud....u suck it hard the first time.....the smoke goes in...u see for the cotton end of the bud..it has turned from white to yellow...reflecting the pain it goes to make you happy...and then u releases the smoke out and thanks the cotton end that indeed it's pain was worth and it really made u happy...........
Smoke as so ever been reflection of man's great courage and ability to withstand the tough times.....so many songs have been written around and about this......
'Main jindagi ka saath nibhata chala gaya,
main fikr ko dhue mein udata chala gaya'
or this one
'sochna hain kya,
jo hona hain hoga,
chal pade hain yaaro,
fikr dhue mein uda ke'


For me it is more than this....it is this supreme sense of satisfaction that u get while smoking is that when u see the burning bud....u get a feeling that it is not only you....but there is somebody else too who is burning with you.......it just gets me going..............

As a little token of respect and honour from my side to cigretting.....here is a little compilation that i tried to make from my side........here is the description of various easily available brands in indian markets ......best to my knowledge........

1. Wills Insignia: by far what i have tried...this one is the most exquisitely made cigarette. it is a little longer than the normally found ones and has a very smooth silken appeal to it's taste. The feeling could well be compared to laying your hand gently over a woman's body.
2. Wills Classic Regular: The classic bud as obvious to the name....suits those who prefer to have a strong but a gently smooth taste. Has a cult like following......most famous with chain smokers.... Shahrukh khan is also supposedly a regular to the classic regular!!
3. India Kings : again a brown end bud though...but better be taken as a light cigrette.....good for females graduating from the 'lights' to brown ones!!!
4. Wills Navy Cut: perhaps the most sold cigarette brand in the country (gold flake kings people might object), it is the strongest cigrette and supposedly the most harming too....but people those who smoke this can never settle for anything else apart from this itself.
5. Classic Milds: a much better option for the occasional smokers. niether too strong...can't be called lights either.......gives quite a bit of smoke in every puff.....and makes u feel you are a big time smoker!!!!!
6. 555 : hmmmm.....the original posh cigarette of the indian market....the US brand still has a lot of followers left.....the taste is a little straightforward and gets u a good high.....u should be enjoying this one with a good cup of strong coffee!!!
7. Gudang Garam: just a gimmick....nothing good about the cigarette accept that it tastes of 'longue' ....makes a annoying sound while puffing........most hazardous.......very raw basically....u got what i meant to say.....
8. Gold Flakes Kings: very basic cigarette....typical made in india product......extremely down to earth!!.....nothing to write about frankly speaking..but i love this alot......
9. Gold Flake Lights and classic ultra milds: hmmmm......quite a smooth taste.......pretty light as per the name......advisable for beginners and ladies.........if u see an old person smoking this....believe me his body must have said NO to him by now.....u know what i mean.......
10. Davidoff lights: extremely light cigarette......good showoff like most other European things.......
11. Davidoff Regular: the packaging is really good in the purple coloured case with the best caption ever ' smokers die younger'......but taste wise...pretty strong and straight taste...it is like in your face......u would not want to smoke two of this one after the other.........I didn't like it much.........
12. Classic menthol: gives u cool feeling of menthol....nothing else worth mentioning........
13. Phillies cigar: the cheapest cigars available in general markets...will give u sweet taste at the tip with lot of smoke.....
14. Marlboro regular: by now u must be thinking ...how strange it is that a cigaretter (don't ever say smoker)...not talking about 'Marlboro'. Well the world's most used brand is pretty good ...needless to say......a very gentle macho taste....but beware...even in india also...use only the foreign made product...yes you get those smuggled ones...and those are only good...the indian made tastes rotten.
15. Dunhill : Recently i grabbed  a European flavor available for the overseas market.The packaging of the cigarette pack looks very sleek and posh,excellent quality, worth paying a little extra. Dunhill red cigarettes are smooth dry flavor that lingers in the mouth. They are a great smoke to have in the morning with coffee and easy while retaining the strength necessary to satisfy your cravings.

the letter 'H'

Just in time for the holidays

Nothing like a boring meeting on to make me pick up the threads of something I let slide for months: reading blogs. And nothing like catching up on blogs (which is sorta like catching up with a whole bunch of old friends, all at the same time) to make me realise that I'm way, way, I’m.

For the record, yes, this took me couple days to complete. The letter 'H' is harder than it looks.
10 Things I love that begin with ... the letter 'H'

1. Home --- namely, the apartment where my parents and I have been nesting for the past 100 years or so. It's not posh, it's not huge, it's not tidy --- but it's got everything where we want it to be (more or less), a great view of the neighbourhood, is in a lovely neighbourhood itself with sum scattered slum, and it's ours.

2. Himachal Pradesh, where in 2000 I spent a few very touristy days with college mates from Aligarh, though it was my first college trip,in our architectural lingua we call it“study tour”,then spent a few very drunk days with the friends --- wherein I discovered that trekking was not that hard to pick up, tourist drivers give local drivers the evil stink-eye, why the other side of apples garden is always green? and the local people would have killed us unless we didn’t thrown up our camera.

3. Hosseini Khalid --- wickedly good Iranian writer. I read his books, then despair of ever being able to write.

4. "Hero" Enrique Iglesias and other carols of its ilk. Blame it on when I used to sing in full heroic manner,”I can be ur hero baby” with a deep Indian accent which seems so heavenly honest entailed going carolling on road.

5. Halwa—specially gajar (carrots) and the term halwa I really hats-off the person who christened it.

6. Hrithik Roshan. But only because I just watched Lakshya again on Monday, and I'm feeling that really my country needs me.

7. Hadid Zaha—an architect-well, maybe not so much in particular, but I was a bit of bi-ased with the way she design. The interest was only brought up short by the cold hard brick wall of reality when I realised how much actual physics I would need to have in my back pocket if I go for case study of her designed building seriously coz 99% of wall is not at right angle.


8. Haroun and the Sea of Stories, which I only read after I was about to leave AMU. Such a beautiful book, metaphorically and literally, if you happen to own the illustrated version, which, I snatched with great jealousy from Ifty my roomies.

9. Harami! –Bastard, Which is a term I hardly ever use, actually, but it was the first thing comes in my mind when I was struggling with this H-list. Oops.

10. Honda Activa—my dream, my passion an my first bike.By the time I purchashed I had no passion left in me, my hairs turns grey in saving cash for it.