Why is it & Why do i ?

why is it that when you really don't think you can handle one more thing, that invariably someone walks up to you needing something? why is it that you can spend your whole life wanting something, then when you get it, you wonder what the big deal was, and want nothing more than to go back to the way things were? why do i spend so much time wishing for tomorrow when i am not doing all i can today? why do i put off those things that i really need to do, that will enhance the tomorrows that i wish for? why do i think that getting the questions that roam around inside my head out will actually free me of them?

Do You Know????

You know that tiny, nagging feeling that you get when something isn't exactly right? and try as you might, you cannot name the unrightness that you're feeling... it is hiding around some corner just beyond reach of your brain. finally, this morning i have been able to put a name to what has been haunting me. My life is filled with people. those i acquaint with, the ones i see at around on sunday, my small group on monday night, the Kohinoor or at Cafe Coffee day, and everywhere in between. people of all walks of life with some of the most amazing stories you could imagine. some have faced loss that would have crippled someone else. some looking into the face of an illness or huge life obstacle, but who have still maintained the love and grace that would cause an outsider to believe nothing could be wrong in their lives. fascinating, amazing people. and yet, what i have noticed lately is a growing trend that when two or more people are talking, the most animated discussion tends to be about television, movies or some kind of celebrity faux pas. Our most passionate discussions tend to be about people who don't exist...(good politician) or who don't exist in our world. the most disturbing part of this trend, to me, is that it is equally the same everywhere, from in line at Majestic Restaurant, to the friend at Jasminium, to talk in the foyer after/before worship services. The question of the day seems to have migrated from, 'how are you?' to 'what did you watch?' BIG BOSS - The nonsensical reality show. People are more than they-- or we-- watch on TV. when our most passionate and animated conversations happen about Big Boss, Nach baliye or KSBBT, what is left for the actual people standing before us? if we use up our best brain power, our best social graces, our best words of praise for what is on a screen, what do we have to offer those who need us to grieve or rejoice or laugh with them? the real people. what is there left when all our emotions are wasted on what doesn't really exist?

* * * * *

so, my friends, i'll ask you as i'm asking myself: who are the most important people in your life? do they know it? does the rest of the world know it?

how F***ed Up??

To the two or so people who still read this: Yes, I will be posting more soon. The last few days have been very hard on me, despite the fact that I have no job with penniless pocket - in fact, I'm happiest when I'm in this situation.Still there is many punch to knock down-but i am tired and sick of it. How fucked up is that?

People, watch your words..

Have you ever felt embarrassed in real life? I am quite sure you have. At least once in front of your friends, your parents, siblings, teachers, even strangers! So how does it feel? As you grow older, it sure gives you a reason to look back and smile. Memories have its own way of making people laugh and cry!

Have you ever felt ashamed, insulted and embarrassed at the same moment. Ask me how it feels! Suddenly you forget to speak, your mind goes blank, you curse your very own existence! Of course yes, you are hurt! Hurt by your own friend. How long could you fake a smile? Its better to let go your emotions.. talk,cry,yell or write. I prefer to write! It surely helps you come over your frustration.

I am hurt! Hurt 'cos of my words. Never in my wildest dream did I imagine that my words would haunt me after months or may be an year, I am not sure. I respect politicians. Imagine how much care should they take while choosing their words. Their words could anytime fight them back! I am not a politician. I dint watch my mouth! So what? Here I am, scribbling scattered letters, finding my way out of this problem. Did I loose a friend? I sure lost her respect, the trust she had in me, maybe more! Maybe there is a way out. I am sure there would be. But who would find it out? A puzzled look, unanswered questions and a fake smile is all I have! How would I defend myself? Would I ever get her back?

People, watch your words.. you never know which one would take away a friend!!!

What's my Rasheee!!

I hope you all have a lovely day, too! As you can clearly see what my astrologer suggest below, Gosh!!!! such a big letter i found in my mailbox today morning from my Astrologer.i haven't gone through entire page but highlighted line seems better, I am in for a very fun and laughter interesting next few days. Don't be jealous...send your address and I will share the jam. Feel free to leave any tips to help the bruising heal quicker. Let me know ....

What's my Rasheeee!! Hello Rahmat, I am really very impatient to announce to you everything that I have discovered about you while doing your personal astrological study, using all the personal details you sent me on the 10 October 2009. As a matter of fact I wanted to get back to you so quickly because I have some very good and very important news to announce to you. I have discovered that not only you are soon to live through an event of great astrological importance but also that you were going to blessed with a period of chance and opportunities. Even though we are now in a time of year that is very active astrologically with a great number of influential planetary movements because of the current Equinox, the movements in your personal configuration are set to be even more intense than this and you will be part of a very important period which I could even qualify as exceptionnal and very rare. There will be some very significant repercussions on your life. Let me tell you a little more about myself. I am passionate about my activity and I am lucky enough to be gifted with a natural talent which I have cultivated and I have now being working professionally for a number of years. I have consulted for many people throughout the world, may of whom are rather well known, and it is in fact because of this that I was in Europe for a few days recently - to participate in and host a number of conferences. I am telling you this now because I think I am lucky enough to have a range of valuable skills at my command and a great deal of experience and so I am qualified to tell you when I feel such a powerful jolt (as I felt for you Rahmat) when consulting an individual's details for the first time. I only can explain it by the creation of a strong connection between us when we first entered into contact. This bond has an enormous advantage for me as I am able to discern exactly what you are feeling at this time. Then I can compare and contrast this very personal information to your astrological configuration. Rahmat, I am now going to tell you what I have discovered about you. What I am now going to tell you is very important and of course I have checked and double-checked everything before telling you, and as a matter of fact I work in a cabinet with several other astrologers and I asked a few of them to check and confirm what I am about to tell you. So here is what is is all about: a very important Transit period is on the way for you and you are perfectly positioned to get the very best out of the opportunities it is set to bring. Indeed, in a very short time you will find yourself in the glare of several powerful astrological influences, I told you that this period is generally an intense astrological period but for you it will be different because the Transit which you will be living through will be a very powerful time with very decisive consequences in your life. As a matter of fact, these influences will place you in a rare astrological Transit which will not occur again in your skies before a very long time. This is a period of 30 days during which a great number of opportunities are going to be offered to you. These opportunities are going to have a great impact on your life and here is what comes out of my analysis: First of all I want to tell you that I am aware that you have lived through some difficult moments in the past and that you still have the impression that these difficulties are going to last for a long time to come. You have come accross failures, stumbling blocks and obstacles and you have had to constantly revise your plans, ask yourself difficult questions and you have ended up doubting yourself and your abilities. I can see all this very clearly in your astral configuration and it is due to the unfavorable position of a number of major planets over the past few months (for example Saturn has been going through a transit which has had a very negative affect on your character). Well Rahmat, today I have some excellent news for you because this period of 30 will mark a very important turning point for you and this Transit will have a very positive impact on your financial and professional life. You are going to have a job-offer which will correspond perfectly to your expectations and ambitions. This is a major event in your life, you will feel far more satisfied than you do at the moment and you will find that your professional and financial situation will be radically different. This is going to be a very active time for you on many different levels but this is even more true for your love-life. You are going to be very surprised Rahmat because you are going to have some great news which is set to have a lasting impact on your life. This is all about an encounter, or even a date, which will be just the beginning of a passionate relationship. You don't know this person yet but the encounter is certainly set to take place over this period of 30 days. You can't miss out on this encounter because this person could well be your soul-mate and by meeting this person you will reach a new and exciting turning point in your life. Rahmat, I must insist on the fact that this Transit is going to have an enormous influence and a great importance in your life.You need to be ready to seize all of the opportunities which are going to be open to you during this period as it represents a real chance in your life. For this, of course you need to have much more complementary information about many points, but let's proceed step-by-step because I think it is first indispensable to note that you will soon be living through a very important event in your life and then grasp all the necessary details about this event (where, how, what, when, with who...). This is why I have put a page online especially for you, Rahmat, where you can ask me to research this information. http://aboutastro.com/j.php?p=request.cgi&r=2a&c=bw7h0&f=enuzng

However before you go to this page I invite you to continue reading this first reading as I have some more important information to tell you about. Firstly you may be wondering at this point how I can be so passionate about your particular case. Well let me explain a little more about what I felt about you when we first entered into contact and how this has allowed me to know you even better,Rahmat. You are becoming aware of a great deal of new things at the moment and you know that you are living through a period in your life which is particularly interesting. You are currently asking yourself a great deal of questions and you are thinking about the true goals in your life and what your real objectives are. As far as your character is concerned I know that you love the outdoors, you do not like to make decisions too far ahead and at times you can bit a bit stubborn in getting what you want. You are aware that you have been given certain talents... very special talents, unique only to you. You have a great deal of latent or unrealized potential. you are sometimes frustrated with the fact that others don't always recognize this or appreciate what you could offer but this is because you still did not had the time to show them but one day this day will come and you know it. I am getting a powerful impression now... having to do with powers of intuition. You have what might be described almost as a sixth sense, able to sense things are about to happen. I am getting the distinct sense that you are street smart and you value this ability much more than the classroom smarts that others have. Your unique perspective in life, has been forged from the school of hard knocks and you know deep down inside that you are better for having gone through what you have endured. You are a person with fresh and innovative ideas and are not willing to settle for what others tell you. You have to see things for yourself and if you don't like what you see, you will change it. I can see travel in your future, either because you love someone or either because you need this person. As far as others are concerned, although you don't always admit this, deep down inside you need the respect and admiration of others and this is even more true at the moment, a period during which you are feeling a great deal of doubts and uncertainity particularly on the level of your love life. In this aspect of your life you would like to make the correct decisions and above all find the right person for you. Concerning this, I feel a certain hesitation and confusion within you and it is these feeling that prevent you from being completely happy and content. Luckily the news I have to annouce to you in this email is going to help you understand the coming changes. Lets get back to this period Rahmat as I should warn you about one particular point. If you do not act in a very decisive manner concerning this period then it is extremely likely that all of these important opportunities will simply pass you by. I have often seen people miss out on key moments in their life simply because they don't know what they should do and when they should act and this is how I want to help you. I must remind you that this Transit is a very rare event which will not come around again for a very long time to come and it will allow you to get out of the jobless situation you find yourself in at the moment and meet someone who is going to change your life. To achieve this it is important that you find yourself in the right place and at the right time to take the right decisions and this is what I want to help you to do. So you need to remember that if you do nothing there is a big chance that you will miss out on the full impact of the period, and I also want to tell you that only a professional astrologer can read your Skies correctly to bring you the information you truly need concerning your Transit of 30 days. Rahmat, you need precise and deep knowledge of all of the implications of this Transit in order to get the very best out of it's chances and opportunities. Rahmat, I warn you in this way because the stakes concerning this period are too high. You need a professional to help you through this vitally important time in your life. This Transit is too significant and too important not to try and get all chances over on your side. I must mention that I am not the only professional who could help you. You may of course consult with someone a little closer to your home or with an astrologer you are already familiar with. This person should be able to help you in exactly the same manner as I would be able to. Of course as far as I am concerned I am also 100% ready to help you Rahmat. I have a wealth of important and exciting information to share with and I can give you full details on the following points: More precisely, In terms of your professional career I will tell you: - why there have been certain stumbling blocks in your past and how this is now going to change - when this job proposition will occur - who is going to make it - what this new job is - how you can be sure not to miss out on it - how it will change in the future - how this will change your life financially - what you can expect from your job in the average to long term I will also let you know what will be the impact of this transit on your love life: - why this period will be so important for you as far as your love-life is concerned - when this encounter will take place - where you will meet - how the date will take place - how you can recognise the right person - how you can seduce this individual and start building something good together - what this person will be like - if this is really the love of your life - what kind of future you can expect together Here is again the web page where you can request my help, Rahmat. As soon as I receive your confirmation that you want me to work on your reading I can get straight to work on your complete analysis. On this same page I have also given you a link to some testimonials from other customers that I have also helped through my astrology. Here is the link: http://aboutastro.com/j.php?p=request.cgi&r=2a&c=bw7h0&f=enuzng

 Have a good day and speak to you soon, Your friend and astrologer, Jenna Thanx for readin her crap about me..Hope you people did not enjoyed or intrested in her rashii... Cheers

Gettin on to my NERVE!!!!!!

There have been moments when my friends got on my nerves, causing serious damage. Or maybe not so serious because my nerves have become tougher (much tougher) than they used to be. It's not about the times when you did the unexpected. That shocked me, but I could live with it. To be honest, the unexpected makes our lives more interesting. More risky, maybe, but interesting as well. Isn't it just too nice to know that something bad has almost happened - but DIDN'T? It isn't about those small things that didn't work out as they were supposed to. Really, I wouldn't mind. I can forget about the unimportant and enjoy the beauty of my life with them. It is about letting me down only too often! Why do I have to call my friends (thank God for my good friends!) to do what you were supposed to? Why do I have to live with someone so terribly unreliable? I could deal with my other friends quite well, though. Still can, but one of them is no longer that. And the way he/she is, I must have been doing something right. Where did I go wrong with you??? I know, I know. I should have thought things through much better than I did. Sorry. I should have thought twice (ten times!) if I really wanted you. Sorry sorry.

Friend....u've jus' made my day!!!

There is a description said, a good friend is a friend who were there with you alwayz, when you are in sad and happy time. A true friend will be there where even you need. A true friend never leaves you alone in you sad time. A true friend never lead you to the darkness. A true friend always know when to make you happy or to comfort you. A true friend will be there to fill you boring day, to make your day a "Day". It's 2:30 p.m. There is nothing fun happened today but a sms pinged that make my day. It was from my best friend texting me to know,how i am?.You know what, u've just made my day. Thanx.....

i'm Tired!!!!

i' m Tired!!!! Oh i'm sorry ,i got up late today,and my days went wrong, you know when shit happens you just tough it out saying it will soon get better? or do you ever think that, this will pass.. don't let your emotions get in the way? i'm tired. i'm tired of all this crap that keeps going wrong. my life is in a constant flow of mistakes, and what if's.... why does life have to be so fuckin hard? pardon for my language, but i'm pissed. i'm pissed at the world, i'm pissed at society. Why does God give then take away? don't i deserve better? don't i deserve more? i know that sounds selfish and prideful, but really. i've done everything expected of me and more. why do i always get screwed? can't i atleast have something to account for? some kind of happiness? no... life doesn't freakin work that way. all my life i've been giving, and never taking, and when something good happens to me, it get's freakin snatched out of my hands. anyone i ever care about, i can never have. every passion that floods and overwhelms my soul, gets destroyed. its always been that way.. now i'm fucked. i don't even care anymore. i'm giving up. let the world screw me over and see if i give a damn. i'm tired of trying to please others, i can't even please myself. nothing in life is worth this. this building of dreams and passions for someone to steal from you. shit happens. and i'm done with caring...

Life..Life... Life!!!!!!!!

Life. Life. Life. I feel like I always start my blogs with that word. Maybe I don't. I like to, though, cause life is interesting but had many ups n downs. And I blog about my life, so I might as well. It's been interesting the past couple days. I have never realized just how thirsty, hungry, and desperate I am to talk to God. I want more of a relationship. I want dreams, visions, Heaven and overall a job. I don't know what the future holds. But I'm not going to worry about it. Life will take it's course. I've gotten to hang out with my best friend Saad ,a time or two within the past couple of days. It's been great to finally hang out with them, and separate from each other too. That's probably a good thing. Saad makes me proud. The best friend does, too. God is good. There isn't much more that I can say. I trust His judgment and leadership even when I don't understand it or agree with it. I just want Him to have His way in me, and to cause me to grow. You guys mean more to me than you probably will ever know or understand. Your time spent reading my ramblings is much appreciated.